What are the rules of dibs?

Is it me, or is it break up season? It’s never me – it’s absolutely break up season.  With that, there are many new singles prowling the scene, and I think it’s important to reacquaint them with the rules of Dibs.

What once started as a semi-joke, but no seriously, Dibs he’s mine system of social order can easily turn into a hair pulling survival of the fittest mating warfield without an established rules of order.  This would perpetuate the exact dating mentality that the first person who ever put two fingers to his or her nose, pointed and said “Dibs” was trying to eliminate. Rules must therefore be created.

Here is how I see dibs working for the duration:

The Dibs System Rules of Order

General Rules of Dibs

1.) The following combination of body language and verbalization must occur each time a dibs is called (note the object of dibs must be in site…like shot gun):

        Step 1: Bring the index finger and the middle finger of your right hand to the tip of your nose*

        Step 2: As subtly as possible, point to the object of dibs with either your left hand or a clear nod and eye point.

        Step 3: Say “dibs.”

2.) From the moment of dibs calling, one has the rest of the evening to act on dibs.  If there is a venue change (for example, house party to bar), the dibs still remains active.

3.) One may call an unlimited number of dibs throughout the evening.

4.) If you bring a dibs to fruition, all of your remaining dibs are thereby released.

        This rule is to prevent anyone from being a big whore.

5.) If a friend has hooked up with someone within the past calendar year, they must approve your dibs.**

Dibs Challenge:

To prevent the abuse of the unlimited dibs, a dibs challenge system has been put into place.  If someone has called dibs on more than one person with whom you would also like to call dibs, you may call a dibs challenge that forces the dibs hogger to stop being a big dibs whore and release the dibs.

6.) To call a Dibs Challenge, the following combination of body language and verbalization must occur:

        Step 1: Bring your index finger and your middle finger of your right hand to the tip of your nose*

        Step 2: As forcefully as possible, point to the dibs whore

        Step 3: Say “dibs whore choose!”

        Step 4: List no fewer than two individuals

7.) To resolve a Dibs Challenge, the Challenged must indicate the one individual out of the list who she will release.  The Challenger then has implied dibs with which rules 2-5 apply.

8.) An unlimited number of dibs challenges may occur in one evening.  This is, in fact, advised.  Make the bitch choose.

Un-dibs

To account for bad judgment due to alcohol, poor vision or desperation, a system of Un-dibs has been put into place.  This can be used even after the dibs has expired, to show one’s taste hasn’t fallen by the wayside and was just alcohol impaired.

9.) To indicate un-dibs one must either say or type (because often times un-dibs will occur via blackberry as a dibs whore is writhing in the pain of a Sunday morning hangover) “Un-dibs: Name or where name is not available description.”

        Example: Un-dibs guys with matching refrigerator shirts, un-dibs Gerard Butler, un-dibs the guy who couldn’t tuck his shirt in correctly…actually he was kind of cute so re-dibs provided the shirt either goes tucked or untucked.

Re-dibs

To accommodate any non-sealed deals, a system of re-dibs has been put into place.

9.) To indicate re-dibs, one must either say or type: “re-dibs: name or where name is not available description.”

10.) Re-dibs is good for one additional event only.

11.) Re-dibs is only honored when the re-dibser is present, meaning if not fair game***

12.) Dibs may only be renewed once, after which the normal dibs first come first served system is put back into place.

 *Note – this is east coast dibs style.  Dibs styles vary region to region, index finger to nose is still legally binding.  For amputees and amputees only, left handed dibs is acceptable.  They have enough to deal with, let’s not get picky.

**Only if they remember his name, This negotiation may take place after the dibs has been called.

***If you are a big whore.

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