What makes a perfect Memorial Day weekend?

2010 will go down as the bestest most perfectest Memorial Day weekend EVER.  I must document why, so as to replicate all of its wonder in every long weekend to come.

The half day certainly helped.  The problem with most Happy Hours, is that they come at a time when no one is actually happy; read: while we’re still at stupid work bummed about missing out on $5 wells.  On half day Fridays? Not so much!  I had all but forgotten how much more delicious vodka tasted when it was flavored with half price-ness.  As I was downing a half price vodka soda, I couldn’t help but wonder, would it hurt half as much the next morning?

Based on my poorly constructed philosophical thought about something that was not important, I’m sure you can guess the next part of a perfect Memorial Day weekend: group trip to a terrible blockbuster!  Sex and the City 2 with the Ladies was as awful, ridiculous and reply all-inducing as we ever could have imagined – perhaps even better/worse (“Lawrence of My labia?” Really?  OK, best line of the movie).  There is no need to go to any movie that requires painful things, such as “thinking” over Memorial Day weekend.  Oh no, girl, no.  There’s a reason that Shrek, Sex and the City and Prince of Persia were the top three grossers of the weekend, and it has nothing to do with plot or dialogue.  People like shiny things…like Dior, and Jake Gyllenhaal without a shirt on.  Duh.  That’s the reason that sitting through 2 AND A HALF HOURS of “My Wicked Inapprorpiate Trip to Abu Dhabi” somehow brought the weekend that much closer to perfection.

Did someone say wicked inappropriate trip? I did! I did!  Road trip with mah gurrrls – in all of its sexually explicit story telling splendor.  The road trip is a topic in and of itself, really, but to sum it up: no boys allowed (except our man Andre Mimosa), no cell phones allowed, and no “Oh you guys, that’s kind of personal” allowed.  105 Gmail reply alls, 17 rounds of toasts, 5 road trip mixes, 3 bottles of BYO poolside mimosas, 3 bottles of sunscreen and 299 degrees later, it’s safe to say we had a very successful trip to Palm Springs.  Though most of what happens in Palm Springs, stays in Palm Springs, I do need to share that all of our road trip playlists did include at least one Miley Cyrus song – own it.  Party in the USA.

Speaking of partays…the next – and most obvious –  ingredient to a perfection weekend is a friend with an awesome pool…especially if that friend throws a party and invites a bunch of friends and lobsters.  I have some thoughts on lobster.  I wouldn’t consider myself an animal rights activist or anything (fur is murder…but it was also really in last season), but I would have a moral problem with putting any animal in boiling water when it’s still alive, even if I found them way gross.  Squirrels, for example, are like totes disgusting, but I’d never boil a living squirrel…unless a squirrel tasted as delicious as a lobster when doused in butter!  Seriously, make those lobster fuckers scream: they taste too damn good to care.  A necessary ingredient to a perfect Memorial Day weekend.

The final ingredient to a perfect Memorial Day weekend is not thinking about the work week until the last possible moment.  The Sunday Blues (or in this case, Monday Blues) can destroy anyone’s lobster buzz, and it must be avoided at all costs.  This can be accomplished in several ways; I find my way to be the most fun.  Stay in the sun all day on Monday, drinking white peach sangria, eating aforementioned lobster, and playing flip cup on the divider between the pool and the Jacuzzi (You don’t have a pool and Jacuzzi divider? OMG homeless, much?  I mean eat crab legs and kill yourself, already…There’s a reason other countries don’t like us…but anyway).  After the party, get in bed and say “let’s watch a movie.  I’m just going to close my eyes for one…..snuggle…dreamzzz…lobster snugglez…”  Instead of dreading the work week, you will dream of floating in a Jacuzzi filled with butter and your new lobster friends.  It will only be terrifying if you let it be.

Only 31 days until the Fourth of July long weekend.

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