Are there alternate endings for The Hills?

I begin this entry a little late, as my DVR did not record The Hills series finale this week, and I had to hunt it down on MTV.com.  Yes, even my DVR is judging my television choices.  Though I can’t think of a more perfect ending for such an iconic television program that what was so craftily orchestrated by Mr. DiVello, I’d like to offer up some options for the haters.  I will refrain from addressing the “Spencer and Heidi Natural Born Killers” entry, because it seems way, way, way too likely to joke about. So here it is: fan fiction for reality TV.

Alternate Ending 1: The Lauren Conrad Lost Ending

In the vein of Lost, Lauren Conrad plays the role of Desmond, where she realizes something before all of the other characters and gathers them in a location so they can all “pass over” together.  In the Hills Lost, however, that location isn’t a church, it’s the Roosevelt, and what she realizes is that being on reality TV is stupid and they should all pass over into the real world.

Alternate Ending 2: The Seinfeld Ending

They all end up in prison.  This might have sucked for Seinfeld, but I think it would be doing society a bit of good to put the people of The Hills behind bars for just a little bit.  Even behind the bars of rehab would be fine.  What a spinoff that would make…

Alternate Ending 3: The 6 feet under ending

No…no, I don’t want to kill them (really), but in my philosophical opinion, if you stop filming reality stars, they cease to exist.  So, with this in mind, I’d like to make a montage of the breakdowns the characters have the moment they think the camera has turned off for good.  Cover that red light for just a few minutes and film the realizations that they are no longer relevant.  Put that acoustic “Unwritten” cover on in the background.  Hilarity ensues.

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